January 2012
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What the fuck am I doing?
I have kept down foods today I haven’t in years - some french fries, crackers, and chocolates? Dear fucking Lord, I’m terrified! I feel like I will gain so much. I can’t purge - I have to keep down the medicine I already took. I’m trying to keep calm & think rationally that I did not consume enough calories to make a real change in weight…and look on the bright...
37573) Isn't it strange to think there are people...
December 2011
68 posts
“Whatever.”
– lovelyplastek
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36125) This has made me a very good liar.
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I had the house to myself tonight, a rarity to be sure.
So, what did I do?
Did I have friends over? No.
Did I watch porn? No.
Did I get high? No.
Did I get drunk? No.
Did I call someone and laugh irritatingly loud? No.
I bought food. I ate it. I threw it up.
I am, truly, pathetic.
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Anonymous asked: Is there any food you actually keep down, and if so, what kinds of foods are they?
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Anonymous asked: how far do you have to put your fingers to purge? It's doesn't work for me (I put my fingers near the front of my tonsils)
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Anonymous asked: I was anorexic for several years in high school, and now, two years later, I can honestly say that I am recovered. Granted, it did take my mom freaking out on me (she actually dealt with all the recovery process, which I am so grateful for now, cause I know that was such a hard thing to deal with) to recover, but I *am* better. My relationship with food will never be the same again, but it's...
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When you keep smelling something and you realize...
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“I always say you should just reward people sexually. If they give you a book...”
– John Waters (via grevedelafaim)
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I’m feeling really upset. I spent the morning getting ready for my friend to come get me & take me to her house to help decorate her Christmas tree. Which she doesn’t like at all and her mother forces her, so I was going to be the help. I even put a little speaker and my ipod in my purse so I could play Bing Crosby Christmas music and hopefully help her get in the spirit of...
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“I don’t trust anyone who hasn’t been self-destructive in some way. And who...”
– Johnny Depp (via get-forgot)
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35229) It's almost like I have two people talking...
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Sometimes I wonder why I keep this blog. Do I just want to relate the bad things I am doing, and get confirmation from other disordered people that ‘they do it too’? Do I hope that someone will whisk in and save me from myself? Do I just want a place to document in an honest way what is happening to me? Do I want to serve as a warning to others?
I guess a little bit of all of it, and...
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“But plans are one thing and fate another. When they coincide, success results....”
– Tom Robbins (via thechocolatebrigade)
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Anonymous asked: By "desperate" I just meant that some people with bulimia want to get better and will go through anything to get better - That's what recovery is, it's hell that's worth going through. Treatment tends to be a part of that process. "All that" - other disordered behaviour one might develope such as frequently weighing oneself or constantly exercising, etc....
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Anonymous asked: But as much as you want to recover I think there is a part of you that doesn't want to. There are bulimics that desperately want to get better and they try so hard and go to treatment. I'm not saying they ever return to 100% normality but they at least stop the binging/purging and all that.
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Anonymous asked: Just saw your latest answer to a question about lying. I have faced my bulimia. It's been my best friend for 11 years now. I am taking myself to a clinic in 6 weeks and have "let the cat out of the bag" so to speak. I don't think I've ever been this honest with myself, my family or my treatment team before and it's the only reason I'm going to get better this...
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Whenever I see something or read something really beautifully emotional, I want to cut myself. For example, I just watched a fucking Queer as Folk/Brian/Justin fanvid made to an Adam Lambert song. My eyes teared and I wanted to cut myself so bad I started grabbing around for anything that would puncture. Actually, a tear even rolled down my cheek…and while I was still in shock over an actual...
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yuryuri:
I’m really tired of living pay check to pay check. Scraping barely by. And having absolutely nothing.
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34908) I thought I kicked bulimia in the ass, but...
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Anonymous asked: Bulimia isn't a problem that can't be solved though. Many people have recovered.
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Anonymous asked: Correct me if I'm wrong, but why aren't you at least trying to recover? Also, since you're married I would think you'd share everything with your husband, especially issues this serious.
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I’m fussy. I’m cranky. I’m sick of having to deal with the food that my husband brings home. I have to eat it and then throw it up secretly because it would be MORE weird if I didn’t eat it at all. Grr. >:/
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